Drunk Gay 'Friends'
by chibiiscute13
Summary: The drunk dorm au that no one asked for. Allen surprisingly curses a lot when he's drunk, good thing his sober "friend" is there as well. Wait? Lavi got drunk too? Well never mind then. (Rated T for swearing)


**And here we have the drunk dorm au that no one wanted. This is basically crack, has a lot of swear words(Not just from Kanda too), and is pretty dumb. I don't own the characters at all, because what would I being doing here then? (P.s.- Kinda ooc I guess)**

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"Ok Allen, I think that's enough for you." Lavi worriedly said as he tried to snatch the bottle of amber fluid from his friend's hands.

"F-fuck you asshole. Yoooou don't kn-hic-ow whas best for me dumbass!" Allen replied drunkenly as he pulled the bottle out of Lavi's reach, taking another sip after Lavi had retracted his hand.

"….Damn….I didn't know such words could come out of your mouth." Lavi said to Allen as he made one final attempt to reach for the bottle, successfully grabbing it out of Allen's hands.

"Noooooo~! Listen u-up you…you asshat! If you don't give me back that friggin bottle, I'll take it back by force and shove it up your ass!" Allen said as he tried taking the bottle back from his red headed friend.

Lavi visibly paled, backing away from Allen slightly as he wondered if his drunken friend would really do it. "J-just calm down now Allen. You should probably just go to sleep now. Yeah! Just sleep this all off. I'll even go get you some water, so wait here for a sec." Lavi told Allen before getting up to get Allen a glass of water, making sure to take the bottle with him.

After returning, glass of water in one hand, bottle of alcohol left in the kitchen. Lavi looked at the spot where Allen should have been….except he wasn't there anymore. "….Eh? Allen, where'd you g-" Lavi was saying, only to be stopped short by something being shoved in his mouth. "Gh…Nnnnn!"

"Haha, got you you fucking red headed bastard!" Allen shouted as he continued to pour alcohol down Lavi's throat. "Y-you stupid rabbit…Thought I didn't have any more alc-alcohol, but I have a whole lot more since that fucking old man master of mine keeps his s-stupid alcohol in our dorm. Can you believe that? Like who the fucking fuck does he think he iiisss~? Hehe, maybe if it's now, I can beat Bakanda in a cursing contest. Wooo!" Allen slurred on as he tilted the bottle up, until there was nothing left in it.

"…Allen?" Lavi said once the bottle once the bottle had been removed from his mouth, now thrown on the floor.

"What the fuck do you want Bookman?!" Allen said as he shifted into a karate position. "You waaanna fight? Bring it on then you friggin bookworm, eyepatch, womanizing piece of shit!" Allen yelled.

"I'm the piece of shit? Nooo, You're the piece of shit you bleached hair, small, little, can't ever get laid piece of bird shit…or are you bear shit..No, you're definitely bird shit since it matches your hair." Lavi countered as he flipped Allen off at the same time.

"Huh? You copying me Bookman? And small and little are synonyms you lil shit. I thought you were a nerd, but you just proved that y-you're so fucking dumb that you can't even come up with enough words to insult me. And another thing! Don't you dare make fun of my hair. You and your bright red hair that was obviously dyed to be that shitty color!"

"Shitty? You're just jealous 'cause all the girls complement my hair, but not a single fucking person ever said your bird shit hair looked good."

"….Now you're really starting to get on my nerves…That kinda fucking hurts y'know?"

"…Fuck, now I feel bad. C'mere, I'll make it up to you." Lavi said as he waved Allen over.

"What? Ok, but what are you going to d-" Allen got out before soft lips pressed against his own.

"Mmnn…Open."

"H-huh? Mmm"

"Open your mouth."

Allen did as he was told and opened his mouth, unsure why until a tongue was shoved down his throat.

"Mmmm!" Was all Allen could get out as Lavi expolored his mouth with his tongue, paying special attention to the roof of Allen's mouth since it created an…unusual reaction.

After parting for air they pressed their foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes.

"…Hey Lavi.."

"Yeah." Lavi hummed.

"W-want to go annoy the heck out of Bakanda?"

"Hmm? Sure. Usually 's me who wants to annoy Yuu, but since you asked, then yeah, let's go."

"….Oh. I thought you were talking about me for a second there. Please just call him by his last name, otherwise I'll just get confused."

"Or, maybe you're just jealous." Lavi said while poking Allen's cheek. "C'mon, it's now or never. Being drunk has it's perks sometimes. Yu-…Kanda will be the only one who remembers tomorrow, making him seem like the crazy nut he is." Lavi continued as he grabbed Allen's hand and pulled him along.

After leaving their dorm room, they made their way down to a room on the floor below theirs. Not even bothering to knock, Lavi slams the door open, seeing Kanda in his kitchen area preparing some soba.

"Hey Yuu, you crazy nut you!" Lavi yells out as Kanda turns around to look at the pair.

"Lavi and the moyashi? The fuck are you dumbasses doing barging into my fucking room you fucks?" Kanda spit out as he turned around to face them, crossing his arms as he waited for an answer.

"…I knew it fucking Bakanda is the queen of cursing. And he's even staying still, I bet Lena tamed you to be more patient or something like that fucktard." Allen growled out as he flipped Kanda off.

"Yeah, totally the queen of cursing. No one would be able to beat him at that. Now run on back to your master you pet." Lavi said while he also flipped Kanda off.

Kanda twitched as he uncrossed his arms and began to walk off further into his dorm room.

"Ha, he fucking ran away the coward!" Allen said just as Kanda returned, a sharp katana in hand.

"Um, Allen…Shit, I think we should probably run away now." Lavi said as he backed up, grabbing onto Allen's arm as he did so. Kanda lunged for them with Mugen, aiming right for them. Lavi pulled Allen back, picking him up bridal style as he ran towards the stairs that would lead to their room.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"Why the hell are you carrying me? You do realize that I have legs right?"

"Because…Just because!" Lavi yelled as he hauled ass up the stairs, looking over his shoulder to see Kanda charging at them. As soon as Kanda was about to go up the stairs, Lenalee showed up in the nick of time.

"Kanda!" Lena said as Kanda froze in place.

"Le-Lenalee! What are you doing in the men's dorm?"

"I came to see you, you brute." Lena said as she gently hit his head with a stack of papers. "We were going to study together, remember?"

"O-Oh. Right." Kanda stuttered as he lowered Mugen.

"Make sure to remember next time." Lena told him as she stood on her tippy toes to press a gentle, short but sweet, kiss on his cheek.

"Aww, how sweet. Thanks Lena, we're gonna get going now!" Lavi yelled to the Chinese woman as he continued to run up the stairs, Allen in his arms.

After they made it to their door, Allen spoke up.

"C-can you put me down now? Being carried bridal style by a guy isn't exactly pleasant." Allen told Lavi as he blushed slightly.

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot." Lavi said with a smile as he put Allen down.

"Running from that big oaf is tiring. I'm definitely going to bed as soon as I lay down." Allen said as he opened the door, walked over to the couch and flopped down on it.

"Hey, Allen, don't sleep on the couch. C'mon, get up."

"Nnn, don't wanna."

"Here, I'll help you." Lavi said as he walked over to the couch, reaching down to help his friend up. Before he could even try to help him up, Allen had grabbed onto his arm, pulling him down on the couch with him. Lavi sighed. "Fuck it, I'm too tired." Lavi said before throwing his arms around Allen and drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, Allen woke up with a major headache and someone's arms wrapped around him. He looked up and saw that it was Lavi. Anger filled him as he then proceeded to kick Lavi off the couch, Lavi's head hitting the coffee table as he fell.

"Owowowow! W-what's going on?"

"That's what I'd like to know. Why were you cuddling with me on the couch you perverted rabbit?"

"What? You mean you don't remember?"

"Remember what?" Allen said as his phone started to ring. He picked it up, seeing that the one calling was Kanda(The only reason he had his number in the first place was Lenalee forcing it on them both). He picked it up, only to pull it away from his ear as Kanda started to yell through the phone.

"LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS, IF YOU TRY THE SHIT YOU PULLED LAST NIGHT AGAIN, I WILL TAKE MUGEN AND SLIT BOTH OF YOU FUCKING THROATS AND USE YOUR INTESTINES FOR WREATHS THIS CHRISTMAS AS I WISH YOUR DUMBASS A HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!" Kanda yelled, immediately hanging up afterwards.

"…..Again, remember what!?" Allen said, scared for his life.

"You really don't remember…Well then maybe I can jog your memory with this." Lavi said right before placing a chaste kiss upon his friend's lips.

"….Lavi.."

"Yeah?"

"I'll give you a three second head start to start running because I'm. going. To. Kill. You." Allen said while looking at Lavi menacingly.

"Oh crap!" Lavi said before picking himself up off the floor and bolting out of the door.

"ONE!" Allen yelled loudly, making sure Lavi heard it, before getting up and beginning the chase of cat and mouse.

"HUH? THAT WAS DEFINTELY NOT THREE SECONDS!" Lavi shouted as he continued to run away from the devil that was Allen freaking Walker.

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 **Muahahaha! Allen walker is the true devil. Lavi can be an idiot sometimes, and the continued use of the word friend is intentional. Because yeah they're just friends...That kiss and cuddle together. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Wrote this running on 5 hours of sleep so I'm pretty tired and that's the reason for my dumb idea of Allen being a...feisty drunk. Love you all, thanks for those that read, and maybe I'll get around to updating other things.**


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